In 2017, Aleida Lynn ended a toxic marriage that left her spiritually and emotionally broken. But after a period of deep self-reflection and therapy, Lynn was able to repair her self-esteem, strengthen her relationship with God, and begin to cultivate a healthier life. Now she wants to help others.

Lynn interviews women who have been through toxic relationships for her podcast, My Love Life, Rebranded. Her guests include coaches, authors, and healers, who share powerful stories of reclaiming their lives. 

We spoke with Lynn about her journey and the message she wants to share with other women. 

How did you get into this space?

I’ve always had a passion for helping women heal. But it took on a whole new meaning for me after I went through an emotionally abusive marriage with someone with narcissistic personality traits. When I got out of that relationship and started my healing journey, I realized how many other women were hurting silently. 

What did it take for you to leave your relationship? 

I hit rock bottom. I didn’t know it then, but I was depressed. And even though I was going through a divorce, I found myself in more toxic relationships. Eventually, I realized there was a serious problem. I found a therapist who specialized in trauma and attachment, who helped me get to the root of why I made some of the choices I did. And that’s when things really started to change. 

What do you think attracted you to these toxic relationships? 

There is a generational pattern of abuse and dysfunction in my family. My father wasn’t around. And my mother dealt with her own trauma, so she wasn’t very affectionate or affirming. I understand her story and don’t hold anything against her. But I was left with a lack of self-love, which is at the root of all of my issues. I was a perfect candidate to end up with an abusive personality. 

What does a Soul Prosperity Coach do?

I’m a woman of faith, so it’s based on 3 John 1:2, which says, “I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.” I want to help women prosper from the inside out. Because once you prosper internally, everything else lines up. It starts with how you see yourself and knowing what your purpose is. 

A big part of what I do is advocate for more awareness around narcissistic abuse. People usually associate physical abuse with domestic violence. But there are many different types of abuse. Narcissistic abuse is more emotional and psychological.  

I help women get to the core of their issues. I’m not a therapist, so I can only go so far. But I create a safe environment for them to process things. We work on learning to be content with being alone. Because when you begin to love yourself in the ways you were expecting a man to, you won’t tolerate abusive people. You’re filled up with God’s love and self-love. Anything else is extra. And when you get involved in a relationship, it will be healthier. 

Do you think the fear of being alone makes some people tolerate toxic relationships? 

We can become addicted to toxic people and behaviors. But you have to break that cycle. I took nine months without dating anyone and used that time to get intentional about my healing. I cut my hair, started working out and eating right. I went to therapy every week. And when I came out of that period, I felt like I was ready to date. Now I’ve found healthy love with an amazing person. Once you do your work, you can attract healthy individuals into your life. 

What are a few of the signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship? 

Know your boundaries. If someone is testing or overstepping them, that’s a huge sign. Also, beware of someone trying to move things along too quickly. Pay attention to how a person communicates about past relationships. People who have healed can usually take accountability at the end of a relationship. But if they’re always blaming the other person and all of their exes are crazy, that’s a sign.

A lot of your advice involves being still and looking within. But that can be tough for a woman who is juggling work, kids, and other responsibilities. How can you find time to do the work that’s necessary to heal? 

When I was doing this, I was a single, working mom. If something is important to you, make it a priority. Start by scheduling one hour a week and meet with a therapist or just sit down and meditate and pray. It’s not easy, but it’s so worth it. And it can change the trajectory of your life. 

You mentioned that therapy helped you. But people of color can be reluctant to seek help from a therapist. What advice would you give them? 

There’s such a stigma within the Black community. But you find therapy in one form or another, even if you’re talking to a friend. We need that outlet because holding things in is unhealthy. So why not work things out with someone who understands emotions and trauma? It doesn’t mean you’re crazy. I think I’ll always have my therapist’s number handy, just because life happens [laughs].

What’s in your future?

Right now, I’m working with women one-on-one. But I’d like to help more women through e-courses and group coaching. I would love to do a full-length documentary focusing on recovery. I just want to reach as many women as possible and help them heal. 

Follow Aleida Lynn on Instagram @thebestyounetwork